7 But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 8 We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 10 We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. 11 For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body. 12 So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.
13 It is written: “I believed; therefore I have spoken.” Since we have that same spirit of faith, we also believe and therefore speak, 14 because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you to himself. 15 All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God. (2 Corinthians 1:7-15, NIV)
I think we can all easily see this passage through the lens of motherhood...
Anyone who thinks that this whole motherhood gig is easy, is seriously naive. It’s pretty much the most challenging, weighty thing I have ever done, or probably will ever do.
I have a lot of people come up to me and ask, “How do you do it?” I usually say something like “I’m not,” or “I have no idea.” I have four kids under age 5. I was thrust into motherhood at age 22 with twins. I was completely unequipped and lacked mental and emotional strength. Feeling like a failure was the norm.
And it took years for me to realize that God is teaching and molding me during this season.
I honestly thought I wasn’t doing anything right and that my relationship with Jesus was nonexistent. I was so focused on the hard stuff that I was blind to the work of God within me. The work that is unseen.
We are hard pressed. As a stay-at-home mom, I fill a lot of roles. I am the nurturer, the teacher, the chef, the cleaner, the accountant, the shopper, the planner, and the handyman. Plus, I have a couple of "side-hustles." I’m a wife. Oh, and ministry and family and friends, and the occasional personal day.
It’s like walking a tight-rope caring stacks of plates. A little too much pressure in one stack and everything comes crumbling down. And I think every mother can relate...we feel pressed on every side.
Do I build a block tower or take out the trash? Do I take the kids to the park or fold the laundry that's been sitting for a week and a half? Do I take time for myself or spend time with my husband? I know everyone says to enjoy your kids and play with them, the dishes can wait until later...BUT WHEN IS LATER? Does anyone feel me on that? I seriously hate that advice because eventually, crap's gotta get done, and I’m the one that has to do it. We can't put all the things off to be with our kids all day. That would mean sacrificing time with my husband or time for myself everyday to try to get something marked off the to-do list. Pressure from everywhere...
Then, there is perplexed. Any moms feel perplexed at times? Like, what the heck am I doing? Why did they just let me take a baby home from the hospital? Parenting is just a constant state of trying to figure out your kid, only to have them change and need something else completely.
What are they doing? Why are they doing that? How can I fix it? I'm always questioning myself, worried that I will make the wrong decision. There are so many schools of thought on parenting out there, so many books on the subject. Trying to figure out which is best for our family is so hard, I'm left perplexed. It’s never ending.
We are also persecuted. It’s amazing to me how many people feel entitled to give their own opinion about my personal family. Some things I welcome, especially if it has to do with safety, or if I’ve asked specifically. But there are definitely unwelcome comments that I feel are a personal attack on my mothering. It could be family, friends, people at the grocery store, or people on social media.
I’ve been told I shouldn’t drink coffee and that I should stop having children. I’m too strict or not strict enough. My kids should eat this and not that. Also, being a pastor's wife, I feel like we are in the public eye, like my mothering skills are being scrutinized. Though I am sure some of that is in my head, some of it is not because I've seen the looks and heard the whispers. Endless opinions.
And struck down. I feel like we do this to ourselves unknowingly. Comparison kills. I’ve had to unfollow moms on social media because I feel like I can’t measure up, like I’m a failure. I see the clean houses, beautiful toys, perfect hair, and happy children and know that is not my life. My life is messy. And complicated.
Everyday there is something that I wish I could undo. I know I make the wrong decision during some moments. I know my children have been hurt emotionally by me. I know my husband feels over-looked at times. I know I could do better. These thoughts turn into lies that I believe about myself. It’s hard to see who I really am when I see all that I am not. The doubts keep coming.
This is all kind of a downer, right? The trials and challenges never end.
But, do you know what else doesn’t end? The all-surpassing power within this motherhood vessel.
Yes, there is power in me despite how powerless I feel most of the time. Not crushed, not in despair, not abandoned, and not destroyed. Yes, I give way to lies and fear. I am harder on myself than anyone. As much as I want to say, “I’m not doing it,” I am. I may not feel like I’m doing a great job, but I’m doing it. It's not about the feeling. It's about the One in me that keeps me going. I’m not crushed, not in despair, not abandoned, and not destroyed. I may be bruised and cracked and suffering and confused, but I’m still doing it.
I'm still going.
And you are too.
Life is messy, that’s what makes the glory of God even more beautiful.
Though I carry around Jesus' death in the trials, I am still standing. My weaknesses, failures, and incapabilities all point to a greater work within me. The real answer to, “How do you do it?”...I can do it because of the things I cannot do, the things unseen, the provision given by a Mighty God.
Perseverance to keep going when all seems to be falling apart. Forgiveness for myself when I screw up, and for my children as they act out of selfishness. Belief that as I grow, I will be guided. Thankfulness that overflows from my lips when I really think about how blessed I truly am, despite how hard it is.
My children will learn these from me. My marriage is strengthened by these. When I press into the provision and trust the sovereignty of God, I remain standing. I will grow in strength and faith.
These inner workings of my heart are truly gifts that empower me to be a wife, mother, and friend. It’s why I want to write and share with all of you. It’s the reason these words resonate within your heart. It’s Jesus. He is the grace that gives strength to keep powering through. He is the light that shines through all of our shortcomings. He is the reason why my husband still pursues me, why I have the ability to give and give and give to my children, the reason for their never-ending, always-forgiving love for me.
He’s got this when I don’t. I know that’s totally cheesy, but seriously. I’m shocked at my capacity sometimes. I usually just think of everything as "life," like "This is what I have been given and I have to do it, so I will find a way." But honestly, I think that mentality is the strength of Jesus working in me. This desire for balance, to love well, to grow personally...I don't think it would be present without the Holy Spirit.
So, I pray that as you are pressed on every side, you see His strength in you. That as you are perplexed, He guides you to trust yourself. That as you are persecuted, you feel His unending love for you. And that as you are struck down with lies, His truth of who you are outshines the rest.
I encourage you to take note of these things, to proclaim them to yourself and those around you. Lean in, dear sister. Motherhood is shaping you into a vessel to proclaim His grace and glory.
in grace,
Kate
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