the Rowan diaries: part 3
A year later, I am getting around to sharing more of Rowan’s story. This part is very intimate to me and may not mean much to anyone else, but I wanted to share how we chose the lovely name of Rowan June for our dear girl.
First, it starts with the fact that I was certain that if I ever had another child, it would be a boy. Maybe since my last was a boy, I just assumed it would happen the same way again. I had perfectly “guessed” all the genders of my other children so when I became pregnant, I had a boy in mind and figured I was correct.
So when it came about that my little womb baby was a girl, I was taken aback. I had never been wrong before and honestly, I felt like I didn’t know her. It made me feel far away and disconnected from her. I was by no means upset that she was a girl, but I felt like a bad mother for not knowing her. I even had a boy name ready to go. How could I not know her, this precious child growing within me?
I had to lay down a lot of expectations and pick up new ones. So we started making a list of names.
All of our children’s names come from a place of sentiment not necessarily definition or meaning. Something in every name has a personal history or story with either Greg or I, and we wanted to do the same. It is very limiting as far as choice, but it is the way we prefer.
I asked my mom if there were any family names not already taken. With many cousins, I knew most had been cycled through. My grandmother’s middle name of June had not been used, and immediately we chose it to be the middle name.
But the first name was hard. We had a handful of names but nothing seemed to fit her in my mind, even Rowan which Greg was rooting for. I didn’t feel like I could choose a name not knowing her.
Gently, Greg reminded me to simply ask and pray that God would reveal her to me. This is something we have done since our pregnancy with Autumn, when I thought the only way I would ever know her was through God’s revealing. With both her and Kent, the Lord gave me characteristics to see them. I would see a color or a personality trait or a direction to pray over their lives.
So on one particular day, when I was upset to the point of tears about feeling disconnected from her, Greg urged me to devote some time to asking and listening. I chose to take a shower, because who doesn’t have great time with the Lord crying in the shower? As I let the water wash over me, I held my stomach, my little girl, and pleaded with the Lord to show her to me, and He gave me a picture.
She was a strong tree, rooted and established along a stream. Unyeilding, unwilling to bend or break. But her strength was not overpowering nor intimidating nor harsh. Instead it was a strength that gave rest to the weary. With large, leafed branches to provide shade and relief from the sun and a gentle breeze refreshing to the traveler, one far from home. Her strong trunk offering support to the back of anyone needing to lean against it. She was a beautiful tree, and anyone that saw her would find strength and rest when they came to her.
So why Rowan? First, Greg and I were looking for names that would represent our time in Scotland for our 10th anniversary. Rowan is a popular name there and we’ve leaned toward more neutral girl names (Traeh ,pronounced Trey, and Blake as Autumn’s middle name). It stood out as a real contender. When you look up the name meaning, it is “red-haired.” Which is fine, I do have a lot of red hair in my family so it was possible she could turn out with red hair, but what if she didn’t? It wasn’t enough to convince me.
Then we did a little more digging into “Rowan” as Greg loved it so much. Rowan is, in fact, a tree. It is a tree that holds a lot of folklore in Scotland and other areas around the world. It is a strong and resilient tree, able to grow in the most unlikely of places. It’s wood is used for tools and walking sticks. The Welsh mythology holds that the cross of Christ was made from Rowan wood. The tree is in the Rose family, which if you know our house story means a little bit more, and it is covered in red berries. But all throughout the stories of The Rowan Tree, it is known best as a tree of protection and safety. We obviously don’t believe in magic and mythology, but I do believe in the connection to the image the Lord gave me.
Rowan June. My girl. A place offering strength and rest. A refuge, given to us as a beautiful gift from God.
