The Rowan diaries: part 4
Birth stories are the best stories, in my opinion. They are magical and wonderful and a feat of strength to be shown in this world. My last two labors were quite similar in their progression but each special in their own right. I have so many intimate moments with Rowans birth, and I wanted to share.
I woke sometime in the night knowing real contractions were finally happening. I am a high contractor, getting Braxton Hicks as early as 16 weeks then throwing in prodromal labor towards the end. But since I’ve gotten used to not-real contractions, I am pretty good at telling when they actually become productive. I was 39w 5d. I let Greg know after tracking for an hour or so, but it was still early so we stayed in bed and I let him sleep until around 6. We got ahold of friends that were to keep the big kids and just meandered around the house, timing and breathing.
My last labor and birth with Kent was very mild until it wasn’t…and at that point I had a baby in my hands very quickly. I figured this labor would turn out the same so I wanted to be prepared and get to the hospital in plenty of time because I had no idea when that shift would be. And once it happened, there would be no waiting on anything. This proved to be true!
Our friends grabbed the kids, and Greg and I stayed around the house for another hour or so. My contractions were very consistent and predictable, 3 minutes apart exactly. Easily breathable with plenty of chatter in between. They stayed like this all the way through getting to the hospital, and hour of monitoring, and finally getting settled into a room around 11.
I was the only woman birthing that day so far, so I got the biggest room with a birth tub and large windows. The staff was so kind throughout, pausing their talking or whatever they were doing when I had a contraction as not to distract me but let me do what I needed to do to focus. They had no reservations with my desire for a hands-off birth, except for fitting me with a wireless baby heart monitor due to my previous cesarian.
I never thought I would want to labor in a pool. The laboring part sounded great but I did not want to be cold getting out. But I tried it out, and it was very relaxing. So much so that my contractions spread WAY apart which isn’t exactly what I wanted.
After telling my OB about Kent’s speedy arrival after my water was broken, she suggested we could speed things up and go ahead and break it. I decided to go for it since I’d rather have a shorter labor even if it’s more intense. I got out of the tub, she broke the water, and I was sitting at a 4/5 cm dilation. This was around 1pm. I hopped back in the tub and things stayed fairly the same for a while longer.
But around 1:45, the tub was no longer helping and I wanted out. Greg couldn’t reach me that well, and I needed his support more. A shout out to him, which all the nurses did as well, he was absolutely wonderful. Making sure I drank water and helping me into different positions and massaging me. He did wonderful and all the staff was impressed by his attentiveness. It was just he and I, and it was beautiful to feel encouraged and supported by him.
I got out of the tub and tried various positions for a while. I was very cold and did not like that very much. This is when my body likes to have non-stop contractions with only a few seconds of breathing room between. It jumps from totally fine to totally not fine very quickly. I asked to get checked around 2:30pm and was only a 5/6 but that meant nothing to me because I knew it would be quick.
At this point my body was ravaged by contractions. I was weak, unable to stand or sit or kneel. Nothing helps once you’ve entered this part of labor, it just has to be ridden out. So I laid on my side to find the most relief for the rest of my body.
I exclusively have back labor. And if you have too, or maybe you haven’t, I describe it like this: it feels like someone is repeatedly taking a sledge hammer to your back. Your spine is severed but they keep hitting it anyway. It’s excruciating.
Not long after, maybe 15 minutes, I started to feel pushy. Nurse checked, and I was a 7/8 cm with baby position still quite high. I remember saying something like, “I don’t know what to tell ya, I’m pushy.” She said it would still be a while (jokes on her) but that she would go ahead and call the OB to be on stand by.
No joke, only 5 to 6 contractions later, I felt her head crowning and simply whispered, “She’s coming.”
This is a point to labor and delivery nurses: believe your mothers. It might save you from what happened next.
One look to see Rowan’s head full of hair sent the nurse into a frenzy. She wasn’t allowed to leave the room but also needed to get a doctor in there. She was yelling out the door, and trying to call people up, all while attending to me. She told me to hold on, to not push. (Lol, when anyone says that to a woman in active labor.) I would have rolled my eyes if I had the strength. I replied, “I’m not pushing, my body is doing it.” She told me to relax and breathe through it, to which I replied, “I am.”
Once your body starts pushing for you, there is no stopping it. I was adding no force, still side-laying, breathing. They needed to get their act together, not me. Haha.
I remember seeing people flooding in trying to get everything ready. One guy, who I assume was the closest doctor they could find, just stood a few feet back and kind of squatted down just observing, which I also found humorous.
My ob came within 5-7 minutes or so and was so calm which was nice. I’m just there, letting my body do its thing and she says I should reach down and feel her head. Her head? It was out? I had no idea. I reached down to feel her squishy little hairy head and smiled, happy and shocked. Greg told me this was the moment he lost it and started crying…seeing my reaction at feeling her for the first time.
After a couple contractions, my OB said if I put a little strength into it, I could get her shoulders out, which they did after 2 or 3 contractions. Then she said I could reach down and pull her out. “I can?” I asked. I struggled to get my other arm free, I was kinda laying on it on my side, but once I did, I pulled her out and to my chest. It was beautiful. 3:06 pm.
She didn’t leave my chest as they took vitals and made sure everything was good. We let the placenta quit pulsing before snipping and asked for our golden hour.
I had a lot of mixed emotions that first few minutes. It hit me that I was so focused on my body and the physical birth process, I didn’t let the emotion of birthing my last child meet me there. I felt guilty immediately and disconnected. But I heard Greg’s voice in my head from the birth of our twins when I felt disconnected from them, saying “It’s not too late. Tell her you love her.”
So I looked down and said that first I love you. I swear God saw me in that moment. Rowan looked me straight in the eyes and smiled. I have never felt so seen. My heart was content. The most perfect moment.
I held her and she nursed shortly after, this was all within the first 15 minutes of her life. We continued in bliss for a while, nursing on both sides, looking over her little body. Greg holding her as well. After about 45 minutes though, we were curious.
Let’s just say, as I was pulling her out, everyone gasped because she was a big girl. I needed to know that weight and height.
9lb 14.5 oz and 22 1/2 inches. Beating her brother out by a full pound. No wonder my last two weeks were so heavy and left me with half a dozen stretch marks.
I have to give myself props here for an unmedicated labor of a near 10 pounder. Women’s bodies are incredible, thank you God.
But I do want to share my post-birth experience, which was not wonderful. If it might be triggering to you, stop reading for a bit and skip to the next set of photos.
I lost a lot of blood and everyone was pretty concerned my first few hours. I was monitored very closely. My body sort of went into shock, probably from the blood loss and the pain. Any time I activated any muscles, my body went into spasms. It looked like I was having severe seizures. I couldn’t lift my head or my arms without convulsing. I couldn’t hold Rowan with out support from Greg and lots of pillows. At one point, I had 4 or 5 warm blankets covering my body hoping to ease the reaction.
The after-birth contractions were also nothing like I had experienced before. They say they get worse after every birth and I would say that is true. I didn’t even notice them after the twins were born, but they did increasingly get worse. It was so painful every time I tried to nurse, as that’s when the contractions kick up. Greg would have to take Rowan from me until they stopped and then give her back to re-latch. It wasn’t until the next day, mid-morning, when I was strong enough to walk and stand to take a shower. But y’all mommas know that the first post-birth shower is amazing.
Rowan was amazing the whole time. She had a few hiccups they wanted to monitor, including a full body rash that was so sad to see. But she nursed so well and we loved her so much.
Bringing the kids to meet her was such an overwhelming experience. Traeh immediately started crying when she saw her. Jack came straight up to me first and said, “Wow, mom! You did it!” Um, how encouraging is he? He will make a terrific husband one day! Autumn and Kent were overjoyed as well. We had to set timers for the first few weeks to make sure everyone got equal time holding her.
We had kept Rowan’s existence a secret from social media, so we had a fun time creating a video to announce her sweet arrival.
I keep saying that I am just so honored to be able to do this again. I am so thankful and blessed by having her in my life.
