why I jumped on the bandwagon.

I have been forced to come to the realization that I have become an emotional wreck. Going through pregnancy and nursing twice has left me a little hormonally unbalanced, or a lot. I have weeks of feeling like I'm in a pit that I can't get out of. Anger and frustration that I've never experienced in my life. Overwhelming sadness. Fear and panic at the littlest things.

Honestly, I had been afraid to talk about it, even to my husband. I would try to hint at how I was feeling, but felt shame over how I really felt on the inside. I am married to a pastor; we do ministry every day. And this is where a lot of my shame has come from. There is a lot of pressure to have everything together when you are leading people in Christ. And sadly, judgment when you don't.

I've had this voice in my head, "You aren't praying enough, trusting enough, reading scripture enough, finding joy in Christ enough."

And though that is always true, there is so much more to grow in Christ; I knew I needed some extra support. I'm pretty to blessed to have the husband I have, though. He graciously brought it up to me that he felt like something was wrong. And I confessed that I had been feeling the same thing. He told me to start searching for ways to help.

I was actually already in a group about essential oils at this time. The very next day after this conversation with my husband, the group discussed how oils support emotional health. I was so intrigued by the research and the personal stories behind them. Oils could be a natural way to help without the side-effects of other options.

Let me tell you, I was super skeptical, but pleasantly surprised. I got the Young Living Premium Starter kit (11 oils), and then ordered a few more that I felt would be beneficial for me during this time. Young Living has a line specifically for emotional support. They really have promoted emotional balance in me in just the month that I have been using them.

I was so surprised with the uses beyond just emotional support (sleep, sickness, kiddos!) that I wanted to share with others what has been working for our family.

Have you been wondering what essential oils are all about? I'd love to be here for you to answer any questions; I have some great friends that know a lot more than me too, so I can ask them if I don't know the answer.

Want to try something out for a specific area? I'd love to order something and send it your way! Some of my favorites are:

• lavender and cedarwood for sleep
• bergamot and grapefruit for uplifting
• Gentle Baby for all things baby
• Progessence Plus for hormonal balance
• Thieves for immune support and just about everything

What's in the starter kit?? 11 oils, a diffuser, and lots of fun samples.

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You can grab the kit for yourself here: https://www.youngliving.com/vo/#/signup/start?site=US&sponsorid=10917669&enrollerid=10917669

We all have struggles in different areas, and I believe one of the best ways to overcome is to tell a trusted friend. Community does wonders for the things we feel shame about. When we stay in isolation, we give more power to those things. I pray that if you have something you are concerned about, you will reach out to someone to help you battle it head on. I am also here if any of you would like someone to listen; I've been told I have good ears!

In truth,

Kate

finding self-care.

Can we all just agree this is one of the hardest things in life? I feel like no matter what season of life, what occupation, what financial situation, it is so hard to take care of ourselves. Our culture is so focused on success, and we will kill ourselves in the process of trying to achieve whatever we feel like that means. Our lives are busy and full. We go and go and do it again the next day. We spend little time caring for our souls, and this leads to so much unneeded stress and anxiety. What if we took the time to do some caring for our well-being? I feel like there are 6 areas where we can really connect with ourselves and change our lives for the better.

1. Get Alone. Get Quiet. If we are going to care for ourselves, we need to know ourselves. So much division in our thoughts and emotions come from not taking the time to learn about who we are. Our world is so LOUD. Honestly, the quiet is intimidating. We have to wrestle with those thoughts and deal with our emotions. As a believer in Christ, I need that quiet, alone time to read His word, pray, listen, meditate. This is hard. I neglect this way too often. It sometimes seems like an inconvenience to all the things I need to mark off my list for the day. But without this, I have no reset. No rest. No strength to draw on as I face each day's challenges. We must take time to be alone.
2. Exercise. Yep, I said it. Exercise is important. It may feel like you don't have the energy to get moving but do it anyway. I don't mean you have to run 3 miles or lift 200 pounds at the gym. Do something you think is fun. Something that you are excited about, or else you probably won't be motivated to stick with it. Creating this discipline will really go far in your life. For me, ballet has been such a gift from God. I never dreamed I would be a dancer. I didn't start until I was 21. I was intimidated at first, but I was so in love with the movement of it all. My husband said he could envision me dancing, and I took the plunge. I NEVER try new things, but I am glad I did this once. I know I am fueling my body and my emotions. Find something and do it.
3. Friendship. Everyone feels alone. If you feel alone in being alone, you aren't. Loneliness is one of the ways Satan tries to keep us from living life to the fullest. We need to have those few people in our lives that can share in our burdens and victories. And we need to take the time to grow those relationships. A breakfast date or afternoon coffee can do wonders for a relationship. Community offers something to our souls, belonging and encouragement.
4. Hobby. This word seems silly to me. And honestly, I never really felt like I had a hobby. I thought hobbies were things people were just obsessed about, like stamp-collecting. But a hobby is really just a positive pleasure. It could even be a part of your exercise, like ballet is for me. God gives us inclinations towards certain things. He does long for us to enjoy this world He created. Do you love listening or playing music? Being outside? Growing food or flowers? Painting? Writing? Using your hands to create things? What are those special things you enjoy that make you, you? Give yourself time to do them.
5. Learn new things. When we are done with school, we often stop trying to learn. Recently, I have felt a little stupid. I haven't spend time to challenge myself intellectually, to learn things. We need to use our brain to feel that our whole self is taken care of. Maybe you learn at your career, and you are already having this need met. But I am at home, and rarely get to finish a book. When I give myself the opportunity to look deeper into a topic, whether it is world-events, research articles, or even scripture, I feel so much better about myself. Our self-esteem needs some brain power.
6. Date Night. If you are married or in a significant relationship, you need time to nurture this, just like with friendships. My relationship with my husband is my most important earthy relationship. He is more important than my kids. I love him more than I love my kids. That seems a little harsh to say, but it has been one of the best relationship principles we know. Our marriage is the foundation of our family, and if it is suffering, everything else is suffering too. We must take the time to invest in this important relationship.

So how in the world do I take care of myself in these six areas if I feel like I can't even find the time to take a shower? I know. I'm right there with you. It's hard to make self-care a priority. So many other things seem more demanding of our time. But we just can't take care of our families well if we aren't well ourselves. Here are some tips:

• Wake up early. It sucks, but getting up before your kids and giving yourself some time to prep for the day really helps.
• Stay up late. Not a morning person? Maybe you need to stay up and extra half-hour or hour after everyone is in bed for a little time to spend on yourself.
• Lock the bathroom door. Haha. Sometimes, I just need 5 minutes to pray or be in the quiet in order to keep going. Just go to the bathroom an lock the door.
• Use the TV. I don't let my kids watch that much tv. We have a pretty set schedule, and I feel guilty letting them watch more. But if an extra 30 minutes helps me to re-charge in order to be a better mother to them, I should utilize that. They deserve for me to be at my best.
• Ask your spouse for help. Myself and some other women I know have a specific day and time each week that they are free to do whatever they want. Sometimes I feel bad asking my husband to take over the house duties because he has a day job. But he is their father. He wants to have that alone time with them, and who am I to not allow that? ;)
• Plan a kid-swap. I know some moms who offer to watch each other's kids every other week. So one week you get a couple hours to yourself and the next week your friend does. Such a great way to foster relationships with your kids too!
• Find extra money. Sometimes I feel like I cannot do anything because we just don't have the money. I have to budget in my ballet classes. We have cut funds from other areas in order to give ourselves resources to  self-care. Also, I love the Ibotta app, rebates for groceries turn into gift-cards for date nights out. (Also, if you use my referral link/code, you get $10 and I'll get $5! https://ibotta.com/r/wgmnmkp, code: wgmnmkp)

Hope you all are able to take some time to care for yourselves this week!

In truth,

Kate

My twin pregnancy journey.

We were in no way trying to get pregnant with our now almost-3-year-old twins. In fact, if you know our conception story, it's a bit crazy and definitely TMI for blogging. I can laugh about it now, but that evening, I sat in the bathroom, knowing 100% that I had just gotten pregnant, and cried. A lot. My husband sat patiently, holding me, and prayed over me and our future. Somehow, this moment slipped my mind but exactly a week later, after having an emotional breakdown because Greg was reading his Bible instead of having breakfast with me, I remembered. After Greg left for school, I took a test and sure enough, I was pregnant.

It was a really hard time for both of us. We had only been married for 7 months. We didn't have any friends with kids yet...we were still in college. It was scary telling our parents. It was scary thinking about how we were going to afford anything, neither of us were working.

Pregnancy was physically demanding. I got sick quick. It was only a week after finding out . that I became extremely sick...only 2 weeks after conception. It was ridiculous. I actually told a couple people that there was either something wrong or that I was having twins because there was no other reason why I could be that sick. Fast forward to my first ultrasound at 8 weeks, and there they were. My two tiny babies. Twins. I was not surprised. I was actually relieved. I think God mentally prepared me for that one. But the sickness continued. There were days that I couldn't even walk because I was so weak. Greg would have to carry me around our apartment. I missed tons of classes (I was still in my last semester!). I lived off of Gatorade ice chips and saltine crackers. I lost almost 15 pounds during my first four months.

Around 26 weeks, if I remember correctly, I went into labor. After a stay in the hospital, we were able to control the contractions and I was put on bedrest. It was just one more thing to add to the situation.

Even though it was physically taxing, it was even harder emotionally and mentally. I thought I had ruined my marriage. No more alone time, no more time to invest in each other. The stress of finances and housing on our young marriage. And it was all my fault. I slipped into depression. I had always wanted to be a mom, but not this early. Not when I thought it would put my marriage at risk, not before I had a chance to pursue my own dreams.

I felt alone. I felt stress. I felt pressure. I felt like life was impossible. I would day dream about my old life...wishing I could just go back and stay in that chapter for a little while and get pregnant later on. I felt so bad for my husband. He had to take care of my physically. And our "honeymoon" phase was brought to an abrupt end. He didn't deserve that.

My husband was patient. He listened. He held my hair. He carried me. He snuggled me. He spoke words of encouragement. He did not doubt. He cooked. He cleaned. He prayed.

I vividly remember the conversation that helped me come to terms with our new situation. He said, "That reality that you dream about...not pregnant, living at our old place, when life was easy...God does not exist in that reality." He reminded me of all the blessings we would not have received had I not gotten pregnant. The miraculous provision of Greg's job at CCF-willing to work with his schedule to finish up his senior year of college. All of the relationships we made that wouldn't have been there if we moved away after graduation. Our beautiful house. The love and support shown by provision of needs for our two precious babies. And countless other things. After that conversation my guilt started to lessen and I began to feel peace.

Our birth story is great. My water broke at 3am. We got to the hospital around 4am and contractions didn't start to increase in pain until about 4:30am. I chose not to have medication, though every time a nurse came in they tried to get me to change my mind. I threw up a lot. I wanted silence...so I yelled at my mom and brother-in-law when they were talking. I had back labor and wanted Greg to massage my back with an ice pack. A nurse tried to get him to do a technique that supposedly helped with back pain, but it made it worse so I yelled at him. I only yelled those two times though, so I'm pretty proud of myself. I sat criss-cross for most of the labor, closed my eyes, and just breathed. I reminded myself of God's special purpose for me and how he had made me perfectly cable of doing it. I was ready to push but they made me wait because I wasn't at a 10. And that was stupid. I had to give birth in the OR due to possible complications with twins, it was cold and impersonal. The anesthesiologist was rude and tried to not let Greg stand by me, but Greg stood his ground. I didn't push long. Jack was born around 10:30am. Traeh had her arm above her head so my doctor attempted to get her to move it...and that was the most painful part of the whole labor. After about 15 minutes, she still hadn't moved it so we just decided to go for it. Thankfully, after breaking my water, the force moved her little hand out of the way. Her heard rate started to drop so they told me I had to push without breaks to get her out safely. She was born about 5 minutes later. They are exactly 20 minutes apart.

I look at my labor and delivery as a little gift from God after having such a hard pregnancy. I could not have asked for it to be any smoother physically. My recovery was quick and easy as well.

Now my kiddos are almost 3. Life is definitely more insane with them, but also a lot more fun. I am thankful for my whole journey with them, and very proud to be their Momma.