Our fourth, sweet babe joined us February 22, 2018. Our Kent Allan McKinney had been much anticipated, for years actually. When Greg and I were married, we knew we wanted a large family. We each had one name for a child before we got married. (Greg had the name Traeh Marie, and myself Jack Landon.) Upon getting pregnant with our twins, we knew those would be the names if we had a boy and a girl. But what if we had two boys or two girls?
After many conversations, we settled on Kent Allan as a second boy name and never came up with a girl name. But I had a feeling we wouldn't need either at that point.
All of our children's names have a sentimental back story to us. You will probably laugh about Kent's name. His middle name is a from a long line of Allan's in Greg's family. Kent though, is a name that has significance to us as a couple...it's from Clark Kent. Yep, Superman. What does that have to do with us? When Greg and I first started having romanic interest in each other in high school, we watched Smallville together. In fact, our first time to hang out alone was in his den watching Season 4 of Smallville together on a Sunday afternoon after church. That show was our excuse to be together and started our relationship. So, though most people think it's corny, Kent is a story of our growing love for each other.
So, why this back story? After we thought of this name, I knew in my heart I would meet my Kent one day.
But after our third was born, I just didn't see me being capable of being a mom to four kids. I had such a hard time postpartum and adjusting to three littles. I felt like a failure as a mother and knew I couldn't do more. Greg and I agreed to wait until Autumn was one to visit the idea of another child.
When that time came, I was so conflicted. Greg supported me either way, but I had no idea what I wanted. Half of me knew Kent, expected him, wanted to meet him, imagined him as a part of our family. But the other half was defeated, exhausted, doubting. Was Kent just someone I had imagined or was he supposed to be with us? I felt so heavy. I already loved him, but felt so incapable.
So I prayed. I prayed so earnestly. God, did you put Kent in my heart for a reason, or do I just give up this notion of who he is? I can't be a mom to four, it's impossible. I can't do it. But I can't quit thinking of this child either.
For two weeks, this was pretty much all I thought about. What did God want for our family?
Then, we found out we were pregnant. Two weeks, and we had our answer. The panic of failure of motherhood subsided as I knew God answered my prayer. Kent was coming. I knew it was him.
And thankfully, the baby was a boy, haha.
I had a lot of fears and anxious thoughts around the pregnancy due to the circumstances of my others. But to our dismay, all was normal.
I don't think you understand what that felt like for us. NORMAL. A regular pregnancy. No high risks (besides attempted VBAC). No complications. Just normal.
And the praise is Yours!
Such a beautiful, normal, extraordinary experience.
Kent's birth was healing for me. We made it to full term, three days past, actually! I had been having rounds of contractions on and off for a week. It was actually confusing because contractions would be 2-3 minutes apart for about an hour and a half and then completely stop. I thought I was going into labor so many times.
The day before he was born, I was in the hospital for about 5 hours having the contractions monitored. They wanted to admit me, but I knew they didn't feel quite right yet. I was super hungry and just wanted one more night's sleep before he was born. I knew we'd be back the next day to welcome him into the world.
Around 2:30am I woke up from a contraction. It actually felt real. They were nicely spaced out at 10 minutes apart. I woke Greg, and he kindly massaged my back as we laid in bed waiting out the contractions. I just kept saying to myself, if we can keep these slow until after the twins are dropped off at school, we can go to the hospital. So that's what we did. We were admitted around 9am.
Then the contractions stopped. I blame all the stupid paperwork they make you do at the hospital. I was so annoyed. They eventually started back up after about 2 hours and were very slow. It was time for the kids to be picked up from school and things were still slow, so I sent Greg to get them and drop them off with my mom. This was just after 2pm. Then it all got crazy. Contractions picked up insanely and Greg's car broke down. I am extremely thankful for one of my best friends who was there with me in the hospital to keep me sane with out Greg and help with pain management. I could not have made it through that hour and a half of Greg being gone without her!
He finally made it back, and I was so thankful because I was in so much pain. Things stayed like this. Extremely close contractions. Back labor galore...kinda like someone is taking a sledgehammer to your lower back. Yep, super fun.
A few minutes before 5, my nurse checked me, and I was only 5-6cm. I was so disappointed and began to lose faith that I could go on in this much pain without medication. I felt like it was going to take several more hours, and there was no way. My OB came to check on me just 5ish minutes later. He declared me 7cm. We decided to break my water hoping it would hurry things along.
After just 5-10 minutes of contractions, I asked "how do I not push?" still thinking it would be hours till pushing time. We brought the nurse in, and sure enough, it was time.
What? Definitely not prepared.
It was intense. So fast. So hard. I did not think I could do it. But a few minutes later, he was on my chest.
He looked into my eyes, and he knew me. And I had my answered prayer, my dreamed of child.
Guys, it was magical. I have never been handed my baby when they were born. I've never had that instant experience with a child. I've never had that time of bonding. And it was so worth it. I'll never forget it. Kent was perfect.
Everything was normal. A wonderful normal.
He was half an ounce shy of 9 pounds. He has beautiful dark hair and the cutest face.
We are forever in awe of Jesus, and God's blessings to our family.
Kent Allan McKinney, you are ours.