the Rowan diaries: part 2
Being pregnant with Rowan is something that I will cherish, even though it came with its own struggles. Thankfully Greg was entirely thrilled, just like me, which came by my surprise. He said that the idea of having another child had been growing in him for a while. I think it has a lot to do with one of our close friends, and a fellow Glory staff member, having the sweetest little boy last year. Multiple times a week, he got to snuggle that little boy and looked forward to it. God is so gracious in preparing our hearts for this sweet soul.
I had super high expectations for this pregnancy. I hoped so much that it would just be easy and magical and wonderful since it was the final time (for real) I’d carry a new life. Unfortunately, pregnancy has never been pleasant for me. I know women who love it and have very mild symptoms but that’s not me.
Very quickly I became sick, horribly sick. Greg and I had this cute plan for telling the kids after I had my first ultrasound but we didn’t make it that long. I was so sick and bedridden, the kids became very worried and some of them thought I was dying. So we had to ditch the plan and tell them sooner. Everyone was SO HAPPY. Kent was excited to be a big brother for the first time, which made me cry. We swore them to secrecy for the moment which was really hard for them but they did great.
Everything looked wonderful at the ultrasound, praise the Lord, and we felt a sigh of relief. I continued to have not-so-wonderful experiences myself but baby was happy and healthy.
It was rough for a while. I had migraines that lasted for days and intense tail bone pain. I thought I had seen it all with my previous pregnancies so it was so crazy to have another completely different experience. There were many days I cried, I did not want to be sick. I wanted to fully enjoy this gift but it was so hard.
Hard things are no bad. Instead, they are opportunities for growth. Opportunities to trust my husband to take care of me and my responsibilities. Opportunities to accept love from friends. Opportunities to love my body even when it felt like it was working against me. And opportunities to listen to the Spirit guide me and comfort me and teach me.
I’m sure a lot of people are wondering why we didn’t make a big public announcement. Was it from fear of people’s reactions or not wanting to be judged? I think it was a little at first, at least until we started telling those around us. Our friends here really gave us confidence and celebration, which was so so sweet. If God is for this baby, and me and Greg and those that love and know us, then what other people could say doesn’t really matter.
I just kept thinking about what a sweet time this is. Being pregnant again. Having this other little baby I’d been searching for. It felt so intimate, so precious. I felt like Mary, cherishing things in my heart, things that could not be expressed yet. Things that I only wanted to share with those walking with me. It was honestly all just too beautiful, overwhelming in the best way. It didn’t feel like the time to invite everyone in, to feel pressure to share or perform. Instead, it was the time to cultivate my home and my community. To prepare and settle in. To relish in the goodness of God.
So we held things close, tenderly, and enjoyed the peace that flowed from it.
(and came up with a super fun announcement video that we wanted to shock everyone with, haha!)