My husband says I’m hard to encourage. And he’s right. I honestly just do not believe people when they say kind things to me. It’s not because I think they are lying or anything like that. It’s because if I don’t believe it about myself, or if I see myself differently, I think, “If they really knew me they wouldn’t think those things.” It’s like, “That’s nice and all, but I know the truth. You’re just biased or seeing me through some faulty lens that makes me appear better than I actually am. I’m really not that good. I’m actually kind of terrible.”
Read morelearning my name.
Not too long ago, my husband and I were meeting with a spiritual mentor about some spiritual warfare issues that had been going on in our lives. We were seeking direction on how to handle a few different situations, and also asking for prayer and support during this time. The meeting changed course and was very surprising to me. During his prayer for us, our mentor began to focus on me. He said that he felt deeply that I needed to learn my name. Have you ever had someone speak truth and life into you? Has someone ever encouraged you so deeply that you just honestly didn't know what to think or how to respond?…
Read morebe changed.
A lot has changed since I first became pregnant. I graduated college. My husband and I started in full-time ministry. We bought a house. We got pregnant again. We bought a car. We've done renovations. We've pursued other projects. But mostly, I have changed as a person. And honestly, I don't fully know what that all means. I know that I am less confident and more insecure than I used to be. I know that I love more and have a heart for justice more than before. I am more stressed and depressed and angry. I treasure time alone and find pleasure in simple things. My house is dirtier and I have less time for relationships, but the relationships I still have are stronger and more meaningful. We have less money but have become more creative in making ends meet. I feel farther from God but see Him in new ways around me. It's like I'm growing and changing without knowing it or understanding how…
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