My two lovely babies,
I hope you know how much life and fullness you have brought me in the past 6 years. It’s more than I could have imagined.
I was young when I had you, when you made me a mother. Just a year into marriage and fresh out of college, I wasn’t prepared for you. It was hard, I won’t lie, but I am stronger for it.
I have had many people ask if I regret having kids so young. And I think that is a question worth answering.
First, I believe God has a journey for each of us. And it was as clear as your two little heartbeats during that first ultrasound that this was mine. My journey of motherhood, my journey of who I am. He was in control the whole time. He wanted you here with me in that time. It is so apparent.
But I’ve had my days of doubt. Days where I felt like I was drowning, when I had no idea what I was doing. I’ve had seasons where I lost myself, not sure who I was outside of the constant work of two little babies. I’ve struggled. I’ve probably had more “bad” days than good. Re-learning life with kids when you’ve barely had time to figure out life as an adult in the first place is not easy. I skipped over the whole find yourself, start a career, go out at night phase. At some points, I really wished I had that time.
But the answer I usually give is this, I would rather be the person I am now, now, rather than waiting to become this person later on in life. And you made me this person.
Every hardship has a lesson and a victory. And you’ve brought me many victories. Victories I would have never had without you.
I may have missed out on some normal 20-something adventures, but what I gained is so much richer. My life is more abundant because of you. There’s more joy, more laughter, more tears, more weakness, more love, more patience, more hope. All of the beautiful things point to Jesus and His bigger, fuller, deeper life He has prepared for us. A life with you in it. And He has even bigger plans for you.
So Jack, my first-born firstborn. You can trust Him. You are diligent and thoughtful. You take such care of people around you and tasks given to you. You are creative and adventurous. You lead others without even realizing it. What a beautiful and weighty task.
Traeh, you don’t have to be afraid. Jesus has your heart and knows your future. He is with you and guiding you, and He cares for you. You are good. You are smart. You see life in beautiful and colorful ways. You have an energy that encourages others, and you will give hope and healing to many.
Happy Birthday, my two beautiful souls. Your mommy loves you so very much.